When it's been too long

A recent column in the Bangkok Post compiled a list of signs that one has been in Bangkok for too long. Though I’ve only been here eight months, I read to see where I fall on the scale. (I think I'm okay to stay a little while longer.) Here are some of my faves:

"You tell someone it’s about 11 when it’s quarter to 12."

I wasn’t all that punctual before moving to Bangkok so living here just gives me an excuse. “What? I’m on Thai time.”

"You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus."

Yep, done that. (Well, while waiting for the light to change.)

"You stop thinking a girl riding pillion on a motorbike, side-saddle, wearing a mini-skirt, with one toe pointing towards the ground, while putting on makeup, is anything out of the ordinary."

This one's the funniest to me and so true—the motorbike acrobatics here are quite amusing. It’s not uncommon to see an entire family on one motorbike. And I’m baffled by the helmet logic. Many times the adults are wearing helmets but not the children. Or you’ll see someone riding with the helmet in his or her hand. Explain that one to me. I think it was Sarah (oh, I miss you Sarah!) with the theory that Thais have such good balance as adults because of all the time they spent on motorbikes as toddlers.

"You make the peace sign whenever you have your photo taken."

Ha! I haven’t done this. Not yet, anyway. But I see my students do it all the time. It also seems very Thai to take lots of group pictures. On the last day of every term, cameras are out in full force. You'll have a class that you didn't think you got particularly close to, but all of a sudden every student wants an individual picture with you. Puzzling.

[Addition: A few hours after posting this blog, I was taking pictures of Thai women dressed in their traditional costumes preparing to dance for an audience. One flashed me the peace sign, but I had my camera down and missed the blasted shot. Bummer! It would have been perfect.]

"When a visitor asks how can you stand the noise in Thailand, you answer 'What noise?'”

Oh, how I wish I were there. I read somewhere that Thailand should have a mute button and I’m in complete agreement. You’ve got all the traveling vendors with their unique sound—be it a horn or a song or a chant (mystery solved, the chanting comes from a feather duster vendor)—to alert potential customers. Then there are the taxi drivers with empty backseats who beep at pedestrians. And most piercing of all, the excessive whistle-blowing. The parking lot attendants and crossing guards all have them and all use them with gusto. (Actually, I think that was another sign mentioned in the column. You start parking your car with a whistle, or something like that.)

"You find that everything you own is counterfeit."

Well...maybe a few things. P'Tom, the coffee stand owner, wore his "Izod" shirt today and told me he sells them on the side for about $6. There's a true obsession with brand names here. Anyone who wants a Louis Vuitton, just let me know.